I want to motivate others, yet I feel no motivation in myself. So I sit down and listen to my lack of motivation.
I want to heal others, yet my personal healing journey is far from over. So I sit down and bear witness to my wounds.
I want to spread peace, yet my personal life is trifle with turbulence. So I sit down and trust in the turbulent air of this journey.
I want to be free, yet my life seems full of restrictions and limitations. With an intention for clarity, I sit down and investigate these supposed restrictions.
I want to meditate, yet I do not feel sufficiently qualified to live in peace. I feel guilty for having what I have yet I still yearn for the things I don't.
Sitting down, I embrace all the churnings and chuggings of my mind. I touch the prickles and I hug the thorns of my conscious inner landscape. Complete acceptance of myself marks the beginning of a complete transformation. Through practice and experience, I recognize the limitations of my thinking mind. I learn once again, to let go of what I think meditation is. I let go of what I think this moment should be.
I let go of my current vision, not because I am without conviction, but because I want to connect with the present. It does not matter how brilliant my future plans are. Nor does it matter how clearly I analyze and synthesize the past. All the machinations of the mind pale in comparison to the possibilities in this present moment.
In that moment of merging with the present, I am free.
Everyday's journey to that place where I can acknowledge that letting go is the best course of action still surprises me. The path is unpredictable, as is the fruits of meditation. Again and again I breathe deeply as I begin to understand how the zen masters spoke of resting in uncertainty. Again and again, I steer my crack addled mind to the present moment.
In the embrace of the unknown I am free to heal. I am free to inspire. I am free to live.